I am – and I think almost all of us are – a man of fixed and settled opinions. I have a view of myself and of the world that is clearly defined and which has helped me deal with the world and survive.
So if someone tells me something that is opposed to my point of view I tend to react and not respond. I view it as an attack on my ego and rush to criticize it impulsively. It is a reaction as I said earlier. It is not a response that comes out of understanding the situation facing me both internally and externally.
And that is not the way to learn something new.
What we need to do before we rush in to criticize is to understand what the other person is trying to tell us. We need to try to see what he sees, what he is trying to show us. Only after having understood his point of view, should we exercise our critical judgment.
This is the way to keep learning as we go through life and stay fresh and youthful.
You must be familiar with the parable of the blind men and the elephant. The story is told briefly below:
The parable of the blind men and an elephant is a story of a group of blind men who have never come across an elephant before and who learn and imagine what the elephant is like by touching it. Each blind man feels a different part of the elephant’s body, but only one part, such as the side or the tusk. They then describe the elephant based on their limited experience and their descriptions of the elephant are different from each other. In some versions, they come to suspect that the other person is dishonest and they come to blows. The moral of the parable is that humans have a tendency to claim absolute truth based on their limited, subjective experience as they ignore other people’s limited, subjective experiences which may be equally true. The parable originated in the ancient Indian subcontinent, from where it has been widely diffused.
Sourced from
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blind_men_and_an_elephant
So accept the fact that almost all of us are blind and cannot see the elephant for what it is. And try to understand the viewpoint of others whose limited and subjective experience of the elephant is equally true and valid.
Having done that – as I said earlier – we are in a position to criticize and form an opinion. But not before.
I’ll end this article with a few quotes on the importance of listening:
So when you are listening to somebody, completely, attentively, then you are listening not only to the words, but also to the feeling that is being conveyed, to the whole of it, not part of it. – J. Krishnamurti
Don’t listen with the ears; listen with the mind. No, don’t listen with the mind but listen with the qi … This qi is an emptiness that is receptive to all things. The Way is understood through emptiness – Chaung Tzu
Listen, for your tongue makes you deaf. – Native American Saying
The person who cannot listen cannot converse. One has to take in what the other presents. Conversation involves holding the material that the other has taken from his cabinet and treating it with attention and respect. – Thomas Moore
Listen more often
To things than to beings;
The fire’s voice is heard,
Hear the sound of the water.
Hear in the wind
The bush’s sob:
It is the ancestor’s breath.
– African Saying
Skillful listening is the best remedy for loneliness, loquaciousness and laryngitis – William Arthur Ward
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