Being an unconventional person in a traditional society like India causes inconvenience to his or her community and family as well.
In this blog I will be discussing the financial risk that comes along with having a maladjusted person in your family. This is just anecdotal evidence. But it explains why people did not want me around for long stretches of time in my life. It also explains why no one wanted to employ me and why my community wants to keep me at a distance.
The first incident took place in the 1990s. An uncle of mine (from my mom’s side of the family) was chatting with my mother and I was listening. The uncle mentioned that he had just lost out on quite a large order. He described the interaction that he had had with his prospective customer. I thought nothing of it at the time but it now strikes me that the customer knew and strongly disapproved of me and withheld the order from my uncle for that reason. This is a way of putting pressure on the family.
As I said earlier this incident took place more than 25 years ago and I am only understanding what has happened now. Talk about being a slow learner.
The second incident took place less than 15 years ago. I am gaining in intelligence.
A member of my community who was at that time running a successful business was chatting with his dad. He mentioned that he had to pay quite a large bribe to get some property registration work done. Again, now, remembering the conversation I get the impression that he was forced to pay the bribe because the government official knew and disapproved of me and wanted to hound me out of India.
So this is the way Indian society puts pressure on you if you offend people and do not conform and are an unconventional person. Your family and community, your friends. your employer and you – all are targeted.
I can understand and fully accept that no one will want me around if I have that sort of reputation. More than that I must salute my family for supporting me to the extent that they did. What I can understand but not accept is why there was a conspiracy of silence and no one thought to explain to me what was going on.
KISS – Keep it simple, stupid. Simply communicate.
If I had known what was happening and why I would have understood my relationship with society and would possibly have left India. If not I would definitely have left Maharashtra. I would no longer have been anyone’s headache over here.
There is such a thing as being too careful.
I think my family thought that there was the risk of my committing suicide if I understood what had been done to me. But that was not the only reason.
The community must have thought I might do something to further antagonise my very powerful adversaries (for example by going to the police or taking legal action). That would have been risky for the community.
They may also have had a use for me in some way (after the period of punishment had ended) and wanted me not to leave for that reason.
I also think that my adversaries thought I had not been punished enough and my family and community cooperated with them.
I cannot compliment them on their intelligence. It is not our job either to reward or punish. That should be left either to God Almighty or to a judge in a court of law.
But I knew something was wrong. As Hamlet said: There is something rotten in the state of Denmark.
So why didn’t I leave Mumbai then?
One reason is that I had lost all confidence in myself and was not confident that I could support myself. If you are made to feel that you are nuts then it is not surprising that you should be lacking confidence.
Another reason is I wanted to understand what was going on and be sure of my sanity and safety. I myself thought that I was nuts. That was one of the main reasons I chose not to marry.
I think it was Dostoevsky who said, “I am one of those who don’t want millions but an answer to their questions.”
My case was similar except that my motive was not a noble search for truth or anything. I just wanted to be sane.
It has literally taken me more than three and a half decades to understand what I wanted to understand. You may think I have wasted my life but only an insane person knows the value of being sane. I have also read some excellent books, watched some good movies, done some thinking and meditating and made spiritual progress. I have had some fun along the way. I have avoided disasters like a divorce or fathering children I would have been unable to support. If you have read my blogs you will know that I have come across some insights and experiences.
I have lived life.
I am quite happy.
Sorry for the self indulgent rhetoric (of the last few paras). I couldn’t resist.
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