India has a notoriously prudish attitude towards sex. When I was young I thought that this was completely flawed and mistaken. I believed in openness regarding sex education and (being influenced by Bertrand Russell) freedom of choice for the young regarding whether they should have sex relations or not.
But here I am at age 58 having had a non existent sex life. And has that been an unmitigated disaster? Not in the least. I can point to a life (to quote Plato) free from a mad and furious master.
Pointing to my own life abstaining from sex has given me freedom from financial worries. I have had time to spare to pursue my interests (mainly reading and to some extent spirituality). Quoting the view of the Stoics:
Just think, says Musonius, about all the time and energy people expend in illicit love affairs that they would not have undertaken if they had self-control. Along similar lines, Seneca observes that “chastity comes with time to spare, lechery has never a moment.”
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The Sufi sage Rumi also speaks of the secrecy and vengefulness that accompany illicit sexual relations.
Plato has something to say on this subject as well. Quoting from The Republic:
How well I remember the aged poet Sophocles, when in answer to the question, “How does love suit with age, Sophocles, are you still the man you were?”
“Peace,” he replied, “most gladly have I escaped the thing of which you speak; I feel as if I had escaped from a mad and furious master.”
‘His words have often occurred to my mind since, and they seem as good to me now as at the time when he uttered them. For certainly old age has a great sense of calm and freedom; when the passions relax their hold, then, as Sophocles says, we are freed from the grasp not of one mad master only, but of many.
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https://www.gutenberg.org/files/55201/55201-h/55201-h.htm#page1
The fact that this doctrine (of prudishness) has survived so many centuries means that it must have great benefits and a track record of having helped people. I have had to perforce abstain from sex because of factors beyond my control. And I know the advantages of having done so intimately. Apart from the time I had for myself (as a result of being chaste) I was also saved a huge amount of aggravation and inconvenience. If nothing else I have been saved from having to change nappies.
Quoting again from the book above, A Guide to the Good Life:
A wise man, Musonius says, will not have sex outside of marriage and within marriage will have it only for the purpose of begetting children; to have sex in other circumstances suggests a lack of self-control. Epictetus agrees that we should avoid having sex before marriage, but adds that if we succeed in doing this, we shouldn’t boast about our chastity and belittle those who aren’t likewise chaste …
The Stoics’ advocacy of sexual reserve will sound prudish to modern readers, but they had a point. We live in an age of sexual indulgence, and for many people the consequences of this indulgence have been catastrophic in terms of their peace of mind. Think, for example, about the young woman who, because she could not resist sexual temptation, is now faced with the hardship that generally accompanies single parenthood, or the young man who, because he could not resist temptation, is now burdened with responsibilities (or at least child-support payments) that prevent him from pursuing the dreams he once had for himself. It is easy these days to find people who will agree that their life would have gone better if they had shown more sexual reserve; it is hard to find people who think their life would have gone better if they had shown less …
But having said all this, I should add that despite their misgivings about sex, the Stoics were big advocates of marriage …
But I will leave you to read the book for yourself. It is excellent. Link is above
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