Here is a practice that I have found to work every time I try it out. Basically it consists of never thinking while you are upset and dealing with the negative feeling skillfully so that you are free of it. Then you can do your thinking.
Before I stumbled on the technique much of the thinking that I used to do when I was upset amounted to just searching for reasons why I should not feel bad. I was intellectualizing and going round and round in circles intellectually searching for these reasons. And this was because it was too painful for me to admit to myself that I had blundered. I used to beat myself up and obsessively think of the same thing for days on end.
The solution was in dealing with my negative self talk (the beating up on myself bit). The bare bones of the method is this:
- Admit your mistake. Allow the memory of the time you had blundered arise along with the feelings associated with it.
- Just observe the memory and the related feeling to be. Observe it without reacting as best you are able. Use the breath to steady yourself. If negative self talk arises observe that without reacting.
- If you can just observe without reacting then both the memory and the feeling will fade in intensity. You will develop a feeling of indifference regarding the blunder.
This basic technique is borrowed from Buddhist meditation and mindfulness practices. If you are interested in learning more about this subject please visit the link below:
As I said earlier this technique works like a charm every time I use it. It is not pleasant; admitting your mistakes to yourself is painful. But this is not something you are doing to entertain yourself. This is for growing and maturing as a person. And that is not necessarily pleasant all the time.
But it is more than worth it.
When I look back on the days prior to my learning Buddhist methods I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. My youthful years were spent obsessing and making myself miserable over petty insults and blunders.
But now I can deal in about 30 minutes memories that would have caused me to totally freak out when I was young. I look back on the catastrophic mistakes that I have made and I am able to finish my introspection and resume my routine with minimum fuss.
And I have no trouble getting good sleep either.
This is the way to stay young. This is the way to have life more abundantly. This is the way to free yourself of the ego and be happy.
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