I think communication in India is a good topic for me to write a couple of articles on.
I think that the philosophy behind communication with children in India – at least from my limited experience – is best summarized by the following Zen story.
A man wanted to attain enlightenment and so he joined a Zen monastery. The abbot of the monastery promised to give the man the necessary teachings so that he could grow spiritually. The man – let’s call him Pete – was given some of the necessary but menial tasks of the establishment like sweeping, laundry, doing the dishes and serving as the abbot’s personal assistant.
Weeks and months passed and Pete began to grow a little dejected. He had expected to be taught meditation, maybe some Zen koans and so on. But nothing like that happened. He continued with his menial tasks but as time passed he grew a little impatient. One day he blurted out his complaints to the abbot saying. “I have been here for months but I have not received any instructions from you. I feel as if I have been wasting my time here.” The abbot was surprised and replied, “When did I not instruct you? When you offered me my morning tea did I not accept it? When you laid out the mattress for me did I not lie down and go to sleep?”
Pete was completely taken aback by this answer.
The moral of the story is that we need to learn from the actions and not merely the words of accomplished and experienced persons. You may not receive explicit instructions from them but you can learn from their example.
You can tell your children to observe and learn from your example. Tell them that you may not be able to give them clear cut instructions at all times but through observation and application of mind they will be able to learn and grow.
Similarly medical students, trainee accountants and anyone who is undergoing internship needs to learn through observation and application of mind.
I can identify with Pete because when I was young I did not learn from my elders the way Pete was supposed to do. As a result I was slow and did not learn and grow the way I was supposed to. It would have been very useful for me to have been told this Zen story and I would have known what was expected of me.
At the same time this way of teaching has some drawbacks:
First is that it implies an uncritical acceptance of whatever the Zen master is teaching you. Now this may be all very well for a bona fide Zen master as you can assume that he is enlightened. But not all people have that level of maturity and it may be unwise to ask young children to have the same attitude of uncritical reverence to their parents and elders.
Kids in any case are supposed to be rebellious and they will be disrespectful to their parents and elders from time to time. At these times you need a different method of instruction and if necessary, correction.
I will be writing another article on what I believe is a better method of communication when this first method does not work.
But at the same time this Zen story is very instructive. It is vital that kids and youngsters learn through observation. Not everything is spelled out for you in life and the sooner we learn through observation and if necessary, read between the lines the faster we will grow.
I’ll end here. I will be writing another article on communication in India during this week.
Stay tuned.
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