Just a couple of hours ago one gentleman living in my society building greeted me.
What is so unusual about this you might ask?
It is unusual for me as I am used to being shunned and ignored. I will not dwell again on my being victimized. I have written more than enough on the subject.
I was quite short with the gentleman in question. He must have wanted a friendly chat but was rebuffed by my abrupt manner.
The point I want to make is that I am not used to friendly overtures. I have spent much of my adult life dealing with overt and covert hostility and if someone greets me in a friendly way I am apt to not understand his or her intentions.
I suppose this is not uncommon for people of my age (I am past 60 now). People get disillusioned with society and want to lead retired lives at my age. But in my case I actually want to build a new social circle.
Because I have led a solitary life for decades I do not have the social skills that a person needs to make new friends. I am perceived as arrogant because of this.
Actually I am arrogant. I have mentioned a few times in this blog that I think I am a genius. Not a very humble thing to do. I am arrogant, yes. But I am also good natured and not unfriendly.
If you want to be friends with me you will need to make allowances for my prickly exterior. It should take some time for you to gain my trust and then it should be fine.
I am writing this blog because I need to make new friends. There is too much bad blood between me and people in my community. They have treated me very badly for decades and they do not trust me to not hit back. There is too much water under the bridge.
My community does not take criticism too well so maybe I shouldn’t say this. But there are cultural differences. They think in Konkani and I think in English. Nothing wrong in not thinking in English but it leads to cultural differences as I said earlier. Also they are clannish. They might be more tolerant than other communities in India but I have experienced what they do to people who offend them and who are different from them. They have tolerated me but not accepted me.
On the flip side, they have supported me, educated me and put no restrictions on what I choose to read and what I choose to write in my blog. Very few communities in India would do the same I think especially if they don’t like the person in question.
But there is too much water under the bridge as I said earlier. It would be best if I made my friend circle someplace else.
There is a saying that the first impression is the last impression. It applies as far as my life is concerned, I think, to some extent although it may be changing now.
Ideally I should relocate to a different country. Or if that is not possible then definitely to another city. I am stuck here because my parents (who are well into extreme old age) are in no position to leave Mumbai where they have lived for the better part of the last four decades.
There is also the not so small matter of money and finances. I am of an age where people choose to retire so this is not an ideal age for a fresh start in my career. Lack of marketable skills is an issue. And I have no savings to finance my expenses without working.
Philosophy has taught me to live. Not how to earn a living.
So the people of Mumbai are stuck with me for the time being.
Anyway the point I want to make is simply an appeal to please make allowances for my prickly demeanour. Yes, I am arrogant but I am not unfriendly and I want a new social circle. If you are willing to tolerate my company we should be able to spend some pleasant moments together.
Actually since I am used to a solitary life and am set in my ways I may want to go back to being by myself after a few weeks or months of company. But I would like to try having some friends.
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